News Articles & Publications 'My First Circumcision'

In a few hours, Eileen and I will be leaving this magnificent building -- the tallest all-suite hotel in the world. We will attend rehearsals for tomorrow's show and then we will return to our original hotel, The Millennium Airport Hotel. Sinubukan lang naming matulog dito sa Burj Al Arab kagabi. Tinesting lang baga. Kukwentuhan ko kayo next week.
Tomorrow is also the birthday of my youngest son Jio Sebastiean, Happy Birthday Jio!
"Eat Bulaga" was also here at the U.A.E. when we did a show at Abu Dhabi on Dec. 7 of last year.
A little more than two weeks ago, after a "back" story (the Cebu hospital canister scandal) made the front pages, another startling medical event, this time from La Union, occurred. But unlike the first one which was controversy-laden, this one is praise-worthy. Well, they were both "below the belt" incidents but definitely, this new one is laudable and a winner.
A doctor named Jessie Miranda, a law graduate, and who was once president of the La Union Gay Society (wow, si J.Law naman), is set to establish a record for himself and for San Fernando, La Union -- to be the world's fastest circumciser of the most number of patients in an hour. According to the news, he was able to "finish the penis" of 640 young boys in a little more than eight hours! Wow! He operates using laser -- no stitches, bloodless, painless and most importantly ... payless!
Yes, walang bayad! Parang panata at gift niya sa sarili at sa mga tao sa birthday n'ya. Kahanga-hanga! He will be submitting his documents to the Guinness Book of Records. Miranda's longest circumcision did not exceed a minute. Ibig sabihin, eto na ang pinakamatuling tuli!

Now, I know that some of you are quite queasy and uneasy about the title of this article. Para bang ginawang First Communion? But isn't it when we were younger, the practice was to confess first before you are given communion? And that is what I am going to do right now -- I have a confession -- kung masusunod lang ako, I'll have a second circumcision! Yes, if there's one thing I would like to correct and sacrifice going through again, it's my circumcision! Or, sana hindi na lang ako nagpatuli! True. Ganito kasi 'yun ... tandang-tanda ko pa ...
Long time ago (s'yempre naman 'no), I went to the North General Hospital (I think) ... actually, I'm really not certain now if it was Philippine General Hospital or even San Lazaro Hospital. Basta, ospital s'ya. It was a hot afternoon. I remember it was my cousin Tita Abola who scheduled me for that circumcision. I believe I was even unaccompanied. Aba, ang tapang ko ha. When the male doctor arrived, I was asked to lie down on a leather-covered bed in the clinic. Nakahiga? I was wondering -- akala ko noon ang tinutuli nakaupo lang.
Then I was left alone in the room. I was lying down for maybe ten or fifteen minutes. Then the door opened, and in came the doctor... with about five or six people in tow (later, I learned they were medical students). Then the doctor ordered one to apply anesthesia on me. Then another was ordered to start the operation and cut me. At this point, naliligo na ako sa pawis. Leather ba naman 'yung hinihigaan ko eh. Hindi ako maka-angal s'yempre -- para tanungin kung bakit pasa-pasa sila ng trabaho. Then another one cleaned and dressed my pututoy. I think about two or three were asked to suture me. And in between, they were discussing about the procedure. I believe that what I went through was the longest circumcision in the history of the medical world! Pinag-aralan ka ba naman eh. Eto matindi -- naturally, iba-iba ang pulso nila; iba-iba din ang tahi noong isa duon sa isa. In short, nung natapos, in today's language -- ang tuli ko ay nabalbon! Balahura! Kung baga sa painting, abstract na, interaction pa!
I didn't even have the chance to ask what style of cut they gave me -- if it was German, Israeli or what. Gusto ko lang kasing makalayas agad. But definitely, it was a work by the United Nations!
Ang nasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, habang lumalakad ako nang nakabukaka at iika-ika, "Pasens'ya ka Joey ... libre kasi eh!"
Yes, my poor Peter, is not as handsome and good-looking like the others but on second thought, baka pag pinaulit ko ito ngayon, mahirap na at baka ma-video pa tayo! 'Wag na nga lang!
Pero salamat na rin to my little friend -- he greatly served his purpose (para bang wala nang silbi ngayon). Thanks for the good times ... and the most important of all ... we are still together!